


“Sometimes it all comes down to a choice between saving one person and saving the world.”

by LittleTurtle95



Series: From paper to the screen, a Shadowhunter adventure [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Episode: s02e03 Parabatai Lost, Episode: s02e17 A Dark Reflection, Episode: s03e21 Alliance, Fluff and Angst, Injured Alec Lightwood, Injury, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Parallels, Protective Alec Lightwood, Sappy Ending, Serious Injuries, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23427403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleTurtle95/pseuds/LittleTurtle95
Summary: “But Nephilim will always choose the world.”Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood’s relationship has always been troubled to say the least, and Alec’s hero syndrome doesn’t help much on the matter.It doesn’t have to be always like this.Or, two times when Alec chose the world and the one time he chose love instead.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Catarina Loss, Magnus Bane & Raphael Santiago, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: From paper to the screen, a Shadowhunter adventure [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1674868
Comments: 9
Kudos: 129





	“Sometimes it all comes down to a choice between saving one person and saving the world.”

**Author's Note:**

> I just finished reading The Mortal Instruments and watching the TV show, so I wanted to use some of the book quotes I loved in the TV shows verse.  
> I really loved the parallels between the three quotes I’m going to use for this fic, and I think they explain a lot about Alec and how his job and his selfless nature affects his relationship with Magnus.  
> The first one is from The Red Scroll of Magic, the last two are in The City of Heavenly Fire.
> 
> The book quotes are the ones underlined with italics.

“Just looking at him hurts.” Magnus said out loud, even if Raphael didn’t give him any sign of being actively listening to what he was saying.

He didn’t know why he called Raphael to make him company out of all people. They were quite close, and Magnus helped him so many times he owed him more than one, but the vampire wasn’t much of a talker per se, nor he was ever really fond of Magnus’ love interests in general.

They were waiting for Jace to come, they all hoped he would. If Magnus knew something about shadowhunters and their _parabatai_ bonds, and he did, it was that they would do literally anything for eachother. But there were a few exceptions indeed. For starters, Valentine and Lucian tried to kill one another at least twice. And he didn’t like Jace. He didn’t like how Alec looked at him, or at least how he used to. He didn’t like his stubbornness and pride, his holier than thou attitude. It reminded Magnus of everything he always despised about shadowhunters. 

So no, he wasn’t one hundred percent sure Jace was going to come.

But even if he didn’t like the guy, he never wished for anything in the world more than seeing his face again, only once. Only to let him heal his Alexander. 

Magnus sighed loud.

“I kissed him, just to try. I mean, _all the stories are true_ , am I right? It doesn’t hurt to try something different for once. And I didn’t know what to do.” he let out a wet laugh. “It didn’t work. Well, obviously.”

Raphael finally looked up from the book he was reading. “Magnus,” he said calmly, “I came here to help, not to listen to your pining. No offence. Or maybe full offence, whatever shuts you up.”

Magnus sighed again but stayed silent, looking back down at the sleeping boy with a pained look. Alec was laying still on the couch, paler than ever and covered in sweat, getting weaker and weaker every passing second. Every time his chest raised and lowered it could have been the last. Magnus’ heart ached, and suddenly it didn’t matter what Raphael just said. He needed to let it out, so he talked again.

“We didn’t even have enough time to get our first date, you know. We had just that one kiss, and then he had work to do, and Valentine happened, and his stupid _parabatai_ disappeared, and he did this selfless idiotic thing to get him back.” 

He hated this. He hated that Alec was so good and selfless that he nearly gave up his life and, accordingly, their occasion to build something out of whatever was happening between them, just to have his friend back. “I should have been with him. I should have followed him more.”

_“Following Alec seems unwise,” said Raphael from behind Magnus. “Since he seems running directly toward danger.”_

_“Shadowhunters always do,” said Magnus._

_Raphael examined his fingernails. “It might be nice,” he said, “to have a partner you knew was always going to chose you, not duty or saving the world.”_

“It might be, yes. But would it be the same?”

“It wouldn’t be the same,” Raphael said, laconically. “It would be better.”

* * *

“He didin’t tell me about it.” Magnus said, biting his lower lip so hard just to focus on something that wasn’t the pain in his chest. “He knew the Clave didn’t have the Soul Sword and he didn’t tell me about it.”

“Oh, dear. I know. I know…” Catarina comforted him, rubbing her hand on his back. 

“And do you know what he said as an excuse?”

Catarina did in fact know, since Magnus had already told her at least a thousand times, but it felt impolite to say so, so she asked “what did he say, dear?”

“He said… he said he wanted to avoid a downworlders’ riot. He said he did it for the Shadow World’s sake.”

“The Shadow World’s sake sounds like a pretty good excuse to me, dear.”

“I wouldn’t have told anyone. I wouldn’t have. I would never-”

“I know. I think he knew too. But maybe he didn’t want to put you in the position to lie to your people.”

“I am tired. I am tired, Cat. I can’t do this anymore.”

“You have every right to be upset. He looked at you in the eyes and lied,” the warlock said, quoting the words Magnus had used a few minutes earlier.

“I opened my heart to him. I told him things I never told anyone before.”

Catarina sighed, but never stopped massaging him softly. “We’re at war, Magnus. Every one of us will have to sacrifice something, or someone, to survive this. Apparently, Alec chose to sacrifice you.”

“I want to be mad at him but I can’t. I’m just hurt. But I shouldn’t be, I always knew it was coming, I always knew it was going to end like this.”

Catarina’s hand ran up his spine and neck as she started stroking his hair softly. “What do you mean?”

_“Sometimes it all comes down to a choice,” Magnus said. “Between saving one person and saving the whole world. I've seen it happen, and I'm selfish enough to want the person who loves me to choose me. But Nephilim will always choose the world. I look at Alec and I feel like Lucifer in Paradise Lost._ ‘Abashed the Devil stood, And felt how awful goodness is.’ _He meant it in the classical sense._ ‘Awful’ _as in inspiring awe. And awe is well and good, but it's poison to love. Love has to be between equals.”_

Catarina didn't object. “If you already knew it was going to end like this, why did you invested in the relationship in the first place?”

“Because love makes people stupid. But I don’t want to be stupid anymore. I’m done. I won’t let it happen ever again.”

* * *

Edom looked more lonely than ever, and that was saying something. Magnus was looking out of the window, his gaze mindlessly wandering on the desert land, the demons screeching in chaos, screams piercing the air like seraphic blades.

He knew he had to find a way to stop Lilith. He had to save the world, to protect the Shadow World, mundanes, all the ones he loved. The man he loved, too. 

He closed his eyes so tightly they hurted, and when he opened them again he saw red stars dancing in front of him for a moment. It wasn’t the right time to think about _him_ now. He didn’t want to think about him at all, not when he thought he could never see him again.

He forced himself to watch at the Hellish Realm that was bright and cold and _dead_ in front of him. 

It wasn’t like anyone was going to come for him anyway.

 _“It might be nice to have a partner you knew was always going to chose you, not duty or saving the world.”_ Raphael has said to him not more than three months ago, it felt like ages. 

_“Nephilim will always choose the world.”_ He himself had told Catarina a few weeks later, and she knew he was right as much as he did, and maybe it was better like this. At least Alec was safe and sound, trying to save the world and run the Institute like he had to, like he always did. And maybe his job was dangerous, maybe he was out there risking his life for the world’s sake but at least he wasn’t in literal hell.

“Magnus?” he heard and almost laughed at the tricks of his mind. He was almost starting to believe that Alec…

“Magnus?” again, louder, and this time Magnus had to turn and look even if he knew it was impossible.

When he finally locked eyes with the man in front of him his heart skipped a beat, and everything else just stopped existing. 

“Alexander.” He breathed out, and in the blink of an eye he was already hugging him, holding him tight, and Alec was holding him back, and whispering sweet words in his ears and Magnus felt like his heart was this close to explode or stop dead, or maybe both. “I thought I’d never see you again,” he whispered and his voice cracked.

Alec squeezed him even tighter and Magnus felt like his touch was the most steady thing in his life, the only steady thing in the universe.

They pulled apart just slightly and when Alec smiled at him he lit up that dark place like nothing else ever could, not even a blast of heavenly fire. “I told you, it’s only Edom,” he said, and Magnus noticed he was shivering too and was looking at him with those big eyes of his filled with love and relief and hope. “And we weren’t going to let you fight Lilith alone.”

“We…?” Magnus blinked in confusion and for the first time since he laid eyes on his boyfriend (fiancée, he reminded himself with pride), he acknowledged the presence of someone else in the room.

Lorenzo was looking at him with an apologetic smile. “I’m simply doing what any High Warlock would do,” he said, and Magnus was thankful, really, and he would have thanked him later, for sure, but he didn’t have time to spare more than one look at him, not with his shadowhunters in his arms, not like this.

He looked up at Alec again. “If we succeed, then what?” and he knew the answer he was going to get. 

_At least we got to say goodbye._

And it was okay to him, because a goodbye was more than he thought he would have had. But his heart still clenched a bit thinking at how they were destined to part ways again, soon. 

But like many times before, Alec managed surprise him one time more. “Then I stay here with you. I’m never leaving you again.”

Magnus inhaled a sharp breath. “Alexander, I can’t let you do just that. It’s dangerous down here,” he said, cupping his lover’s face with his hands and passing softly his thumb on Alec’s cheekbone. “Lethal dangerous, Alexander.”

_Alec looked stricken. “We’ll die together,” he said. “Let me stay, at least, with you.”_

_“You have to go back. You have to go back to the world.”_

_ “I don’t want the world, I want you.” Alec said, and Magnus closed his eyes as if the words almost hurt. _

He opened his mouth to say something, anything, he didn’t know what to just yet, but suddenly Jace and Clary rushed in the room, and he knew there was the world to save, and Lilith to kill, so he let his soft expression drop and rolled up his sleeves.

At least he knew he wasn’t alone. He was never going to be.

 _I don’t want the world, I want you_ Alec had said, choosing him finally, drastically, inevitably and maybe there were Nephilim in the world that wanted him even at the world’s expenses, that wanted him so much to give up on everything else in the world.

At least, Magnus thought, there was one.

And holding his hand, squeezing it tight, looking at his shadowhunter straight in his burning eyes he knew.

One was enough. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Is it sappy? Yes it is.  
> Do I regret it? Hell, no!
> 
> I loved Raphael in the books and his relationship with Magnus. I loved him in the show too, but in the books I feel he’s a really different character and I am so fond of him. 
> 
> I thought these three lines would have been perfect in the TV show verse, I hope now that you read them you agree with me!  
> The parallels guys, THE PARALLELS. 
> 
> By the way, thanks for reading! Feedbacks are always appreciated. 🌺💐🌈  
> (I have other two fics with this “book quotes in the TV verse” thing so if you want to read them you’ll find them on my profile)


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